rumors of LinkedIn Facebook merger causing extreme stress over holiday party attire

Panic is spreading upon rumors of a deal between Microsoft and Meta to combine LinkedIn and Facebook, noting that LinkedIn had been experimenting with gamifying its platform to test if LinkedIn could attract engagement for non-business uses.

Moreover, LinkedIn has also been Facebooking its platform by using videos that were unexpected and not requested–usually displaying content from a young person who has no idea what they’re talking about.

However, the captions and video techniques give off the impression that the young adults have no idea what they’re talking about.

Privacy groups are raising concerns that having one’s family barbecue video and Christmas card pictures put on LinkedIn will give some people a competitive advantage in the job market, noting that barbecue sauce selection has been demonstrated by AI to predict longevity, loyalty, and willingness to tolerate poor managers. 

Likewise, concerns have been raised that Facebook will be permanently harmed by imposing LinkedIn’s orderly structure.

Medical experts and mental health practitioners have said that this would be a positive change given that Facebook is a complete trap and black hole that consumes everything that it touches and sees.

LinkedIn and Facebook executives cannot be reached for comment because they are at an off-site meeting about how few hours a company can reasonably give employees for holiday vacations. Location is not known, but some speculate that they are in El Salvador visiting the CECOT mega-prison. 

Other topics on the agenda for that meeting include reducing remote work, offloading more administrative costs to third-party vendors and employees, as well as binge watching Pinky and the Brain.  

Observers are waiting for an AI-generated joint press conference that ends in a brawl including footage of Mark Zuckerberg’s bloody nose and a cameo appearance by Reid Hoffman who broke down in tears to see what has become of his simple idea for trusted networks of people to connect with each other.

Rumors further indicate that the White House has gotten involved given the international impact of these platforms–expressing its desire to sell data from Truth Social to make sure that its political messages get favored status on the new platform.

No word yet about naming the new combined platform although artificial intelligence says that the likely name will be LinkedFace 

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New project: working on a document about engaging Catholic practices & spirituality through a Lutheran lens.

As December winds to a close and we approach the Feast of the Nativity, I want to take a moment and say to everyone—Happy Fourth of July.

White House Press Secretary Escapes Classified Detention Center

Wishing to remain anonymous, a White House press secretary recently escaped from what she describes as the most awful form of mental torture and psychological abuse that she has ever seen and certainly that she has ever experienced firsthand.

Breaking down and sobbing, she told of times when she described as appropriate some of the most vile and wicked behaviors saying that the victims of these crimes were criminals, rapists, torturers, and other nefarious actors.

Describing what she said as the most confusing and disconcerting experience of her career, this unnamed White House press secretary said that she came to her senses when she saw the 60 Minutes video on the torture taking place in El Salvador.

When given such a stark contrast of her own reality, she was able to see how much worse her psychological state has been compared to the privilege of those detained in El Salvador where they are given light for 24 hours a day.

This White House press secretary said that in her world, darkness was the theme particularly psychological as she was often not allowed to research or get information on key initiatives within the administration.

Moreover, she said that most internal White House meetings were conducted in the dark with a Ouija board, the only source of light provided by a nearby candle.

She says that she will be processing her experience in a group therapy session along with other victims of psychological abuse, including battered wives, migrants workers, and account executives.

When asked what her plans were after the recovery period, she said the rest of her life will be a recovery period.

It will not end.

“The intellectual mind fuck that I received inside the administration was so shattering that I don’t know if I’ll be able to reconstruct an identity.”

For more information, you can reach out to your local crisis support centers before the end of the year at which point funding has been cut to such a radical degree that it is likely that you will be shit out of luck and on your own.

Thanks Dandy! I didn’t even realize my teeth are antiquated.

Re: star, Maji, etc. God is always using stars of all sorts to draw us to Himself in Christ.

Affordable Jobs For You

Noting the difficulty during the holiday season, for people who do not have jobs and their families, a coalition of private equity funds and retail employers have formed a new effort to help individuals find jobs to support their families. The jobs range from middle management positions to individual contributors and also retail and labor jobs. For individuals who act before the end of the year, they’ll be able to get a 25% discount on their purchase of a middle management job. However, due to high demand, these jobs will not be available for long and will increase in price moving forward. The president of the coalition, Dick Dickover said that he is particularly glad to be a part of this effort especially during the holiday season, noting that his whole life has been dedicated to worshiping currency in its various forms.  He said that it was a nice change to participate in something that could help others.  Local technical colleges as well as community colleges and universities have been in dialogue with this effort. Ideas for cooperation include combining tuition for outdated skills with discount packages for getting jobs.  For more for more information please check out the website for affordable jobs for you at aj4u.org. That’s a j, the number 4, the letter u .org. 

Merry Christmas! May you be forced to travel a long distance to comply with a government mandate, be unable to find a hotel room, and give birth with no doctor in a non-sterile facility.

Corporate and AI leaders face reckoning for missed opportunity

In a debrief session aimed at reconstructing what went wrong, corporate and AI leaders gathered on Friday to understand how they could have missed the most obvious use case for AI. Noting that counterfeiters of money have been striving for 100s of years to reproduce paper and virtual currency—it is an industry with incredibly high ROI—the fact that the investment community missed this one is going to be hard to defend to government regulators. There will be a technical session in early January sponsored by Lehman Brothers and Friendster to examine how AI, Deepfake videos, and 3D printing could surface potential synergies to help jumpstart research and product development in this important field. The committee noted that the counterfeit industry is a critical piece of national security given its role as a failsafe in the event of a disruption to primary suppliers.  The State Department also cautioned that international counterfeiting operation locations should be re-assessed in light of recent geopolitical relationship shakeups.