When the Code Breaks: Fitzgerald, Hemingway, and the Man Who Found Another Way Out

Safety note:
This essay is not advice, not treatment, and not a substitute for medical or mental-health care.
If you are suicidal, in crisis, or not able to keep yourself safe, stop reading and seek immediate help (911, ER, crisis line, or a trusted person).
This is not meant to fix anything.

The American Dream Was Always a Lie

F. Scott Fitzgerald knew it. He saw the emptiness behind the glamour, the rot beneath the glittering surface. In The Great Gatsby, he showed us exactly how the American Dream curdles—Gatsby achieves wealth but can’t transcend his origins or win Daisy. The rich are careless and empty. The valley of ashes sits between the mansions like the waste product of all that striving.

young people: choose carefully 😂

Well, today has been somewhat of a slow day and I’ve been reflecting on my life and one of the things that occurred to me is how much the impact of some key decisions that I made in my youth, how much those decisions impact my circumstances today, for better or for worse.

Now I always knew growing up that I wanted to be responsible and work hard.

I was gifted with intelligence that I was able to apply and that helped me get into a good college and good law school.

But I have to say that of all the decisions I made, the best decision I ever made was to become a white male.

Now one of the benefits of being a white male is that many of the problems that plague our society are simply off the radar screen.

You know, we don’t have to worry about things like being ignored because I don’t fit the prototype or the type they’re looking for.

And I found that, for example, when I’m in a job interview with another white male, we don’t even think about race, we just think about the job interview.

And I’ve learned that, or I should say I’ve heard, I don’t know too much about it, but I’ve heard that people that are not white males have other variables to consider than just the job interview, whether they’re female or a person of color.

They have to factor in this whole other calculus into the job interview and I’m glad that I chose to be a white male because frankly, I don’t have the bandwidth for that.

I want to focus on what matters, which is climbing the ladder, making lots of money, and recognizing that I’m inherently better than everyone else, just by the fact of being me, which includes, of course, being a white male.

Now, again, it’s been kind of a slow period and I’ve been able to do some YouTube viewing and one of the things that I’ve been able to watch with great delight is reruns of the Johnny Carson show.

And it really takes me back.

Things have changed so much and it’s hard to keep up sometimes.

I mean, sometimes, for example, I may actually see a black person at work and I really don’t know what to do with that, but if you think about the good old days, we didn’t have that kind of awkwardness.

And if that black person had also chosen to be a white male, then we wouldn’t have that problem.

So I just don’t understand, you know, diversity is fine, but I think that you have to think about things.

You have to say, well, maybe I like having this skin color now because I’m young and I want to be different and maybe more stylish, but you’ve got to think about the long term.

It’s like sports.

You may want to play basketball and football, but long term, golf is your only option.

And so you have to think strategically.

You can’t just do things because they seem cool in the moment.

And so again, I’m glad that I made a good decision.

It’s really helped me to kind of move forward in life, you know, and to kind of filter out a lot of the problems.

I mean, I’ve heard that, you know, there are people that they don’t fit into the male or female mold, you know, there are people that are immigrants or they don’t speak English or, you know, they’ve got systematic discrimination over generations and, you know, they’re just trying to survive and, you know, and especially in a tough economy, they even have a harder time.

And, you know, again, if they had just decided to be a white male, most of those problems would not even be on the radar.

And that would give them peace and, you know, let’s be honest, it would give them a leg up, you know, like in that job interview.

They wouldn’t have to worry about the racial factor they could just be a white male and just focus on the facts.

And you know, again, I’m not here to criticize anybody else’s decisions.

I’m just saying that I know that I’m glad that I made the decision to be a white male.

And I recommend that you tell your children to make the same decision because things happen fast.

And, you know, if you don’t get on the white male track quickly enough, then it really becomes hard to backtrack.

So thanks for listening.

Have a happy holiday season.

ugh

[Redacted] is that I had a post, I had an idea I had a thought that kind of a silly thought kind of a self-deprecating thought that was like gee, [Redacted] that [Redacted] but then I realized that it’s not that I want it’s not that I want fame for my blog in fact, fame would be pretty embarrassing I’ve kind of overshared overshared on every post because that’s what I felt called to do and that’s just not who I am, I mean and even people that worry about fame, they’ll tell you that it doesn’t make you happy it almost makes you more miserable than riches but but I have a burden, I have a burden for this blog I feel like I’ve been given something, I’ve been I’ve birthed something in this blog and I feel like I go back and forth, is it my responsibility to put it out there there’s no answer, that’s a round square it’s not a round square, it’s a circular it’s a spiritual question, it doesn’t have an answer I just have to put it there and trust God you know, moment by moment [Redacted] the thought occurred to me that [Redacted] maybe [Redacted] something with it with my blog, I don’t know but it just occurred to me, it kind of simultaneously resurfaced my burden for these words I’ve been given and even as I say that, the evil spirit is saying to me you’re just an egotist you know, you’re trying to say that your your blog is is great and that’s just a reflection of your ego but I know that’s a distortion it’s a hard distortion to ignore but I have too many data points that say that my blog is is something that I have birthed because I have been given it to birth but anyway you know, given that [Redacted] is the pattern interrupter in my world [Redacted] so obvious I don’t know, so I have this thought that maybe maybe this birthing that I’ve been doing I don’t know if midwife is the right answer I don’t think it’s that intimate I’m just thinking about Socrates in passing I just hope that [Redacted] some of this stuff that I’ve vomited up on the screen and you know, [Redacted] my foolishness [Redacted] see the glimmer of whatever Christ wanted to show through my words and I don’t know maybe I’m just being too self-deprecating I don’t know, it’s just whatever I can just say that whatever I feel like I’ve been called to write these words and it really doesn’t matter about the words themselves it’s like, I’ve been called to write the words and the words themselves are nothing it’s just, how is God going to use those words is he going to use those words? I don’t know, I’m thinking too much about myself this is the insanity of this writing project anyway, but I hope that [Redacted] and that that would relieve this burden I have of getting those words that I’ve been given however they’re characterized that I’ve been given these words my words might be to embarrass myself like, was it Hosea that had to marry the prostitute? maybe the point of my blog is to embarrass myself and that it has nothing to do with any kind of brilliance or lack thereof it’s just about void oversharing and letting whoever decides to read it to see what Christ has done to me, through me, if anything and that [Redacted] so that this burden I have would be somewhat relieved even [Redacted] me stop writing I’m just kind of joking I just feel like my words are who knows, who cares I don’t care what God says, I don’t have to worry about it but having somebody that has some [Redacted] actual interest perhaps in reading something that wasn’t published by InterVarsity Press or some publishing house in Nashville you know

A theology, a faith that doesn’t face *this wickedness* and others like it, that only walks on the sunny side of the street, is an accomplice of it.

Elderly British couple ‘interrogated 29 times by Taliban’ since imprisonment

Daughter of Peter and Barbie Reynolds, 79 and 75, says they have ‘no idea’ why they have been in jail for two months

An elderly British couple taken captive by the Taliban have been interrogated 29 times since they were imprisoned more than two months ago, and still have “absolutely no idea” why they have been incarcerated, their daughter has said.

No charges have been brought against Peter Reynolds, 79, and his wife, Barbie, 75, who ran school training programmes and were arrested alongside an American friend, Faye Hall, as they travelled to their home in Bamyan province, in central Afghanistan, in February.

Hall was released last weekend after the Trump administration lifted bounties worth $10m (£7.8m) from the heads of senior Taliban figures, including Sirajuddin Haqqani, the interior minister.

Their daughter, Susie Romer, told Channel 5 that hearing her parents cry on the phone was “excruciating” for her, and called on the UK government to do more to secure their release.

Romer said that although the British government had been assisting the family, she would like the government to do more to make it clear to the Taliban that her parents “should be immediately released”, she said.

“It’s been 10 weeks now, and we’ve not been reassured that this message has been conveyed, but this is really urgent.

“Each day that they remain in prison, they’re at risk, so we’ll keep on asking the government to send that message.”

The couple have endured 29 interrogations so far, and have now been told “there is not actually a charge against them”, she said.

She described the conditions her parents were being held in as “absolutely horrific”. Mice and cockroaches are “running about” their cells and they receive just one meal a day.

In recordings shared with the Sunday Times last week, Peter Reynolds said: “I’ve been joined up with rapists and murderers by handcuffs and ankle cuffs, including a man who killed his wife and three children, shouting away, a demon-possessed man.”

He said he was living in “a cage rather than a cell”, but described his circumstances as “VIP conditions” compared with where his wife was being held.

During an interview with BBC News last week, the couple’s son, Jonathan Reynolds, said he had been “interacting” with the US government after a video plea to Donald Trump for help to have his parents released.

This week, the Taliban told the Associated Press the case “will soon be resolved” and “should not be a cause for concern”.

A spokesperson for the Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office said: “We are supporting the family of two British nationals who are detained in Afghanistan.”

Liberation by Constraint

I find it helpful to lean on others to help me determine what scriptures to read when, and what to make of what the scriptures mean, and in distilling lessons from the scriptures generally for life application.  I’m busy, so why reinvent the wheel right?  I can always do a deep dive on a book or a topic, etc. as time permits, but I like having something to keep me on track day-by-day.  That’s why I read the lectionary.  Also it’s nice to have others help me with thinking through the significance of what I just read.  Again, I can always do more of this on my own, but if time is short, why not get some help?  

What about the people who I am leaning on?  Are they re-inventing the wheel?  What is their motive for making their scripture selections and their commentary on the scriptures?  Who are they leaning on for their selections and for their interpretations and applications?  Certainly there is always room for new interpretations. Jesus himself showed that, but also there is value in leaning on the lessons that those who have gone before have learned in terms of selecting scripture to read daily and then applying the lessons therein to our lives.  

This is particularly important given that the scriptures were written in vastly different time periods and cultural contexts and languages than our own.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have a source to gather and synthesize all these different factors—language, culture, prior interpretations, appropriate selections—all in one place?

Well, I found that one place, that one authority, in the Catholic Church—and even long before I concluded that I needed to become Catholic, I found it helpful to use the Catholic lectionary, Catholic writing that had been reviewed and approved by the church (i.e. an impimatur), and also a history of interpretation of various scriptures (also known as tradition—accessible for busy laity in commentaries, etc.) helpful to use as a starting place which I could then pivot from as I felt appropriate, but it seemed to me like a better place to start than with a solo even well-meaning contemporary writer who may or may not have been working with all these factors when making their interpretations, selections and applications of scripture.  Moreover, as a vain hypocrite, I find that this approach insulates me from various passing fads in contemporary American Christianity, which helps me to maintain my prideful sense of superiority and my facade of depth and learning.  

So there you go.  That’s my take on why the notion of having a (seemingly constraining and confining) “authority” guiding what I study and how I interpret and apply it to be rather liberating, empowering, and confidence-building.  And again, as a vain hypocrite, I find this to be very helpful in my frequent uninvited soliloquies.  

Happy trails.   

P.S. I’m told that this “constraining liberation” also applies to life, not just study…(Cf. the way of the cross, the lives of the saints, etc.)