When the Code Breaks: Fitzgerald, Hemingway, and the Man Who Found Another Way Out

Safety note:
This essay is not advice, not treatment, and not a substitute for medical or mental-health care.
If you are suicidal, in crisis, or not able to keep yourself safe, stop reading and seek immediate help (911, ER, crisis line, or a trusted person).
This is not meant to fix anything.

The American Dream Was Always a Lie

F. Scott Fitzgerald knew it. He saw the emptiness behind the glamour, the rot beneath the glittering surface. In The Great Gatsby, he showed us exactly how the American Dream curdles—Gatsby achieves wealth but can’t transcend his origins or win Daisy. The rich are careless and empty. The valley of ashes sits between the mansions like the waste product of all that striving.

just sayin’

Well, I have some ideas here, or maybe one idea, and it’s a hypothesis.

I don’t know if this line of thinking is accurate, but it came to mind.

And the hypothesis is that the reason that Jesus says, or the reason that Jesus said, seek first the kingdom, and all these things shall be added unto you.

It’s not a transactional, like, if you do what I say, if you, to use playground language, if you let me be the boss of you, then I’ll give you all this great stuff.

I don’t think that’s what’s going on.

And I also don’t think it means something purely spiritual.

I don’t think that Jesus is saying seek first the kingdom, in other words, seek some purely abstract, mystical, removed from the daily grind interior state.

I don’t think that’s what Jesus is saying either.

I think what Jesus is teaching is learn how to listen to me.

Discuss what these sources say about Core Theological Concepts, in the larger context of Boyd Camak’s Spiritual Journey & Theology.

Boyd Camak’s spiritual journey and theology are deeply interwoven, manifesting in a unique “existentialist Christianity infused with elements of Catholic tradition and practice”. His personal experiences, particularly a spiritual “trainwreck” and disillusionment with certain conventional Christian frameworks, have profoundly shaped his understanding of core theological concepts, leading to a vision that is often jarring, confrontational, and radical.

Here are some core theological concepts as understood within Boyd Camak’s spiritual journey and theology:

• The Centrality of Christ and the Cross: For Camak, Christ and the Cross are the ultimate revelation of Reality (with a capital R). He views Christ’s entire life, including his teachings, actions, death, and resurrection, as a unified, practical framework for living, emphasizing that Christ “walked the walk” to the fullest. The crucifixion is not an abstract theory or merely a transactional event, but the “revelation of suffering love”, demonstrating God’s power through willingly absorbing “all of the hell that could possibly be thrown at Him”. It reveals “the truth of how things are” and exposes “the bankruptcy of conventional thinking and worldly wisdom”. Camak’s understanding is profoundly Pauline, focusing on Paul as a mystic of the cross rather than a systematizer of dogma, and emphasizing “cruciformity, union with Christ, and the radical reorientation of the self” as central. He suggests that to follow Christ means entering into this “cruciform pattern of love, suffering, surrender, and resurrection” as the most real thing there is, echoing Paul’s statement: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Gal. 2:20). He also references the ancient “fish hook theory” of atonement, where Jesus’ divinity on the cross trapped and destroyed hell, offering a path to freedom from human problems.
• The Kingdom of God as Reality: Camak defines Christ’s Kingdom as “Reality” (with a capital R), not just a concept or an illusion. This Reality is often “veiled” and “hidden” and does not need to be enforced or promoted by human means, but rather “revealed—as Jesus did on his throne a.k.a the cross”. He believes that clinging to Christ’s Kingdom is “living at the center of the known world,” with all other worldly preoccupations being mere “illusions and distractions”. This perspective allows him to see Christ’s Lordship as undermining worldly tyranny.
• Embracing Suffering and Existential Honesty: Suffering is a pivotal concept in Camak’s theology. He believes that “the deeper the knowledge, the deeper the suffering,” and that true wisdom often arises from this suffering. He acknowledges that “life will crucify me every day”. By connecting personal burdens and “crucifixions” to Christ’s suffering, individuals can find “relief and meaning,” leading to psychological grounding and integration. His approach rejects sentimentalizing suffering or rushing to “Easter” without confronting the “darkness” and “pit” of human experience first. This emphasis on facing suffering directly makes his theology “trauma-informed”.
• Internal Freedom and Critique of Authority: Camak sees Christianity as “the Way” that provides “internal freedom” from “unjust or corrupt external authority,” particularly religious abuse, manipulation, shame, and fear. He positions Christ as a liberator from control systems, aligning with Alexander Schmemann’s view that Christianity is “the end of all religion”. This internal liberation enables individuals to face external threats, poverty, loss, and fear with “peace, joy, and self-possession”. He strongly critiques religious authorities who he feels block access to Christ or impose “twisted authoritarian packaging” on theological concepts.
• Reconceptualizing Atonement and Forgiveness: Camak holds a critical and somewhat dismissive view of traditional atonement theories, stating they are “not even necessary” and that the idea of Christianity’s primary payoff being the forgiveness of sins is a “distortion of the gospel”. He explicitly rejects the “believe or burn” mentality and labels certain Calvinist doctrines, such as TULIP, as “metaphysical rape” and a “theology of death” that denies human dignity and God’s love. Instead, he believes the gospel is fundamentally about God’s “infinitely extreme love” for humanity, aiming to “save us from ourselves” rather than from an offended deity. Repentance, in his view, is about realizing and claiming that God has already forgiven us, freeing us from guilt, shame, and fear.
• The Trinity as an Experiential Mystery: Camak emphasizes that the Trinity is not something to be understood logically or abstractly, but rather encountered and experienced in real life. Drawing on Karl Rahner’s ideas (specifically “economic trinity is the same as the immanent Trinity”), he believes that one should focus on how the Trinity has worked in history and in one’s personal life. The purpose is to be “healed by the Trinity” and to surrender to it, finding peace and healing in God the Father through Christ and the Spirit.
• The Role of Community and the Church: While his faith is deeply personal, Camak emphasizes the “communal aspect of Christianity,” describing it as a “team sport” where mutual support and guidance are vital. He values the Church as the “body of Christ” for encouragement and grounding. However, he maintains a critical stance towards “superficial or distorted forms of Christianity” prevalent in American culture, believing that much of what is called Christianity has nothing to do with Jesus. He also expresses appreciation for elements of Catholic tradition, such as the lectionary, the Rosary, and sacraments like the Eucharist, as practical ways to connect with Christ.
• Engagement with the Supernatural and Mysticism: Camak’s journey involved initially embracing demythologization to strip away theological constructs, but he always sensed “something more” to reality than could be explained by matter and energy alone. He describes “signal graces”—startling coincidences or experiences—and encounters with “differently abled” individuals as ways this “greater reality” or “Christ’s eternal kingdom” is revealed to him. While cautious about actively seeking mystical states, he believes that mystical experiences are not incompatible with his grounded, existential approach, especially given the “divine nature of Christ’s incarnation”. He believes God’s divinity often reveals itself in ordinary people and humble ways, aligning with the incarnation where Christ became accessible to humanity by becoming “the lowest of the low”.

In summary, Boyd Camak’s theology is forged in the crucible of personal suffering and a profound engagement with existential questions. He seeks to strip away “bullshit” and intellectual “scaffolding” to reveal the raw, counterintuitive, and transformative truth of the Gospel, anchored in Christ’s life and crucifixion, and experienced as internal freedom and relationship with a loving God in the midst of everyday reality.

Perplexity on John Macquarrie

John Macquarrie’s existentialist views are deeply rooted in his synthesis of existential philosophy, particularly the works of Martin Heidegger and Rudolf Bultmann, with Christian theology. His existentialism emphasizes human freedom, responsibility, authenticity, and the search for meaning within the framework of Christian faith.

Core Elements of Macquarrie’s Existentialism

1. Freedom and Responsibility:

• Macquarrie saw freedom as the defining characteristic of human existence, setting humans apart from other creatures. However, he argued that freedom is not merely the ability to make choices but a profound responsibility to live authentically according to one’s deepest values and commitments[1].
• He rejected determinism as nihilistic, emphasizing that human choices have real consequences and that individuals must take responsibility for their actions[1].

1. Authenticity:

• For Macquarrie, authenticity was central to living a meaningful life. It required a deep understanding of oneself and alignment with one’s core values, rather than superficial desires or societal expectations[1].
• Authenticity was tied to hope and transcendence, reflecting his belief in the ultimate significance of human existence despite challenges[1].

1. Anxiety and Human Existence:

• Anxiety, in Macquarrie’s view, was an inevitable part of human freedom and a recognition of life’s uncertainties and complexities. Rather than being purely negative, he saw anxiety as a force that could drive individuals to confront existential realities and live more fully[1].

1. God as “Holy Being”:

• Drawing on Heidegger’s ontology, Macquarrie described God not as a being among beings but as “Holy Being,” the ground of all existence. God is the source of “letting-be,” enabling freedom and creativity[3][5].
• This existential-ontological approach framed God as both transcendent and immanent, deeply involved in human history while remaining ultimate[3][5].

1. Salvation as a Journey:

• Macquarrie reinterpreted salvation through an existential lens. He viewed it not as a one-time event but as an ongoing journey toward fuller realization of “Being.” This process involves repentance, growth, and openness to divine grace throughout life[2][5].

1. Religion and Existential Meaning:

• Religion, for Macquarrie, was humanity’s response to the existential challenges of life—a way to grapple with mystery and find purpose in a seemingly meaningless world. He rejected blind faith or dogmatism, advocating for a thoughtful engagement with religious traditions[1][5].

1. Hope and Transcendence:

• Hope was a cornerstone of Macquarrie’s existentialism. He believed that despite life’s struggles, humans could find meaning through their relationship with God and their pursuit of authenticity[1][5].

Significance in Christian Theology

Macquarrie’s existentialism offered a framework for understanding Christian doctrines like grace, salvation, and repentance in ways that resonated with modern existential concerns. His work remains influential for those exploring the intersection of philosophy and theology, particularly in addressing questions about freedom, meaning, and the nature of God.

Citations:
[1] https://philonotes.com/2023/04/john-macquarries-existentialism
[2] https://www.christianhumanist.org/2016/07/reading-through-principles-of-christian-theology-part-9-chapters-14-15/
[3] https://thinkingreed.wordpress.com/2011/07/06/john-macquarrie-and-process-theology/
[4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_existentialism
[5] https://www.churchtimes.co.uk/articles/2007/1-june/news/uk/the-revd-professor-john-macquarrie
[6] https://archive.org/details/studiesinchristi0000macq_z5j2
[7] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Macquarrie
[8] https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt1w6tfsj

Camak’s Existentialist Christianity: A Way of Life

Camak defines “existentialist Christianity” as a practical framework for navigating life’s complexities, using the life of Christ as a model. This approach prioritizes lived experience and personal transformation over strict adherence to theological doctrines.

Here are the key components of his understanding:

• Clearing Away Formulas and Theologies: Existentialist Christianity involves setting aside traditional formulas and theological complexities, especially those popularized and simplified for mass consumption. This includes questioning traditional interpretations of the supernatural and focusing instead on the tangible aspects of Christ’s life and teachings.
• Confronting the Meaninglessness of Life: Existentialist Christianity serves as a way to address the perceived meaninglessness and absurdity of existence. It recognizes that “life already is hell” and seeks to find meaning amidst suffering and chaos.
• Embracing Internal Freedom: Camak sees existentialist Christianity as a path to liberation from external forces that seek to control and manipulate individuals. This includes freedom from religious authority, social pressures, and internal struggles like fear and addiction. This internal freedom is rooted in the understanding that Christ’s life and death exposed the emptiness of worldly power and religious dogma.
• Focusing on the Life of Christ: The life of Christ is central to existentialist Christianity, serving as a practical guide for living. It emphasizes “walking the walk” rather than simply “talking the talk”. The crucifixion is particularly significant, revealing the depth of God’s love and serving as a model for embracing suffering.
• Seeking Authenticity and Transformation: Camak criticizes superficial faith that seeks rewards or recognition. Instead, he advocates for genuine personal transformation, aiming for a life of peace, joy, and sanity amidst life’s inevitable challenges. He emphasizes “pursuing sainthood” as a way to understand, cope with, and transcend the limitations of the human condition.
• Understanding God’s Love: Camak rejects the idea of a vengeful God who demands intellectual submission to avoid punishment. He believes that God’s love is demonstrated through Christ’s actions, particularly his sacrifice on the cross. This love seeks to save humanity from self-destruction and offers abundant life.
• Finding Meaning in Suffering: Camak views suffering as an inherent part of life and a potential source of growth. He encourages connecting personal struggles to Christ’s suffering, finding solace and strength in shared experience.

Camak’s understanding of existentialist Christianity is deeply personal and rooted in his own experiences with doubt, suffering, and transformation. He believes that this approach offers a practical and meaningful way to engage with faith in a complex world. He draws from a diverse range of thinkers, including existentialist philosophers, theologians, and spiritual teachers, to support his understanding of Christianity.

Camak’s Understanding of Existentialist Christianity

Camak’s understanding of existentialist Christianity is presented most directly in his February 15, 2024, blog post titled “What is existentialist Christianity?”. He describes it as a way of engaging with Christianity that prioritizes lived experience and personal meaning-making, setting aside traditional theological formulas and the question of the supernatural.

Here are the key elements of Camak’s existentialist Christianity:

• Emphasis on Lived Experience: Existentialist Christianity is about “looking at the life of Christ (which is an embodiment of His teaching) as a framework for living…for orienting oneself in this world that many of us feel thrown into without our prior consent”. This focus on the practical application of Christ’s teachings to everyday life aligns with existentialism’s concern for individual experience and authenticity. Camak suggests that the Rosary is a valuable practice for engaging with this concept, as it encourages meditation on the concrete events of Christ’s life.
• Confronting Meaninglessness and Suffering: Existentialist Christianity acknowledges “the apparent meaninglessness of life” and the various internal and external forces that threaten to rob individuals of their freedom and humanity. It recognizes that “life already is hell” and seeks to help individuals cope with this reality. Camak suggests that suffering is an inherent part of the human experience and that Christianity provides a framework for understanding and navigating this suffering.
• Seeking Internal Freedom: Existentialist Christianity aims to liberate individuals from the constraints of external authority and internal anxieties. Camak emphasizes the importance of finding “internal freedom from unjust/corrupt external authority”, including religious authority. This aligns with existentialism’s emphasis on individual autonomy and responsibility.
• Setting Aside Theological Formulas: Camak advocates for a “clearing away” of theological formulas and abstractions. He suggests that focusing too heavily on intellectual debates and interpretations can distract from the core message of Christianity, particularly for those exploring the faith. This aligns with existentialism’s emphasis on lived experience over abstract systems of thought.
• Focusing on the Life and Death of Jesus: The central focus of Camak’s existentialist Christianity is the life and death of Jesus. He sees the crucifixion as a pivotal event that reveals the nature of God and the human condition. Camak emphasizes the brutality and violence of the crucifixion, rejecting sanitized or sentimentalized interpretations. He also stresses the importance of the resurrection as a symbol of hope and the possibility of transformation.
• Accepting Brokenness and Hypocrisy: Camak acknowledges the pervasive brokenness and hypocrisy within Christianity, particularly within the context of American Christianity. He calls for honesty and self-awareness, urging Christians to confront their own failings and resist the temptation to present a polished or idealized image of faith.

Overall, Camak’s understanding of existentialist Christianity is a call to engage with the Christian faith in a way that is personally meaningful, authentic, and grounded in the realities of human experience. It emphasizes the importance of wrestling with existential questions, confronting suffering, seeking internal freedom, and finding meaning in the life and death of Jesus, all while remaining aware of the inherent brokenness within oneself and the Christian tradition.