Rage Bait vs. the peace of Christ

From:  October 24, 2025 Lectionary 

Reading 1

Romans 7:18-25a

Brothers and sisters:

I know that good does not dwell in me, that is, in my flesh.

The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not.

For I do not do the good I want,

but I do the evil I do not want.

Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it,

but sin that dwells in me.

So, then, I discover the principle

that when I want to do right, evil is at hand.

For I take delight in the law of God, in my inner self,

but I see in my members another principle

at war with the law of my mind,

taking me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.

Miserable one that I am!

Who will deliver me from this mortal body?

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Gospel

Luke 12:54-59

Jesus said to the crowds,

“When you see a cloud rising in the west

you say immediately that it is going to rain–and so it does;

and when you notice that the wind is blowing from the south

you say that it is going to be hot–and so it is.

You hypocrites!

You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky;

why do you not know how to interpret the present time?

“Why do you not judge for yourselves what is right?

If you are to go with your opponent before a magistrate,

make an effort to settle the matter on the way;

otherwise your opponent will turn you over to the judge,

and the judge hand you over to the constable,

and the constable throw you into prison.

I say to you, you will not be released

until you have paid the last penny.”

Saint Paul and Jesus are talking about the same interior prison.  Saint Paul is describing his existential imprisonment and states that Jesus Christ has freed him…is continuing to free him…moment by moment.  “Who will deliver” me now?, and now?, and, now?, and now?…The answer is always and and will always be Jesus.  So we can rest…whatever problem the world throws at us next, we can always sit at Jesus’ feet.  We can always turn to Christ, to His Father.  We don’t have to be spooked by each and every fear or threat or enticement or rage bait.  We can center our whole life on sitting at Jesus’ feet…silently…listening…He knows how to find us.  

But what if we fixate on current events like:  “a cloud rising in the west” 

and its impact on the world:  “it is going to rain”

And  “the wind is blowing from the south”

and that event’s impact on the world:  “it is going to be hot”

Jesus warns us:  You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky [aka current events];

why do you not know how to interpret the present time? [now, and now, and, now, and, now…]

Why are you focused on all this mental static…getting spooked and manipulated by algorithms and scare tactics of lost souls trying to cope with being human by trying to buy and/or control everything?  

If we are going to have the internal freedom necessary for our own sanity and also to tune into whatever God wants to use us for in His dramatic rescue and redemption plan, we have to “judge for yourselves what is right” instead of pissing our life away on meaningless trivia.  And we have multiple major industries focused solely on producing this trivia in order to intoxicate us, domesticate us, control us.  

Let me come to my senses now!  Let me make “an effort to settle the matter on the way” while there is still time.  

Before I sink lower (judge) and lower (the constable) and lower (existential prison).

“Miserable one that I am!

Who will deliver me from this mortal body?

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Boyd Camak’s Perspective on Psychotherapy and Faith

Boyd Camak holds a nuanced view of psychotherapy and faith, acknowledging the legitimacy of mental health care while emphasizing the profound, transformative power of Christian spiritual practices for inner freedom and healing. Here’s a breakdown of his perspective:

Acknowledgement of Mental Health as a Clinical Concern

  • Biological Basis of Mental Health: Camak explicitly rejects the idea that depression is merely a “mindset problem” rather than a “biological illness,” calling such a view “the most rank, ignorant fundamentalism.” This indicates his belief that genuine mental health conditions are not simply spiritual failings, but have biological roots and require appropriate care.
  • Trauma-Informed Theology: His theology is described as “trauma-informed,” reflecting his emphasis on directly facing suffering rather than avoiding it. This shows awareness of the psychological impact of trauma and the importance of thoughtful approaches to address it.
  • Clear Professional Boundaries: Camak includes a disclaimer that his writings and “worksheets are for general educational purposes only” and are “not medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.” He directs readers to “always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding personal health concerns” and not to “alter or stop treatment without professional guidance.” This establishes a clear boundary, recognizing the distinct role of mental health professionals.

Personal Engagement with Therapists and Professional Discernment

  • Personal Experience: Camak has received encouragement from his own therapist, showing he engages personally with mental health professionals.
  • Critical Discernment: He also advises, “Don’t be afraid to fire your doctors, therapists, and other providers. Trust your gut.” This suggests that while he respects professional help, he encourages critical discernment and trusting one’s intuition in choosing and maintaining professional relationships.

Critique of Certain Secular Therapeutic Advice and Superficial Spiritualities

  • Contrast Between Self-Care and Self-Offering: Camak contrasts “modern therapeutic advice to ‘put yourself first'” with the Christian tradition of “self-offering” and taking up one’s cross. He warns that love directed toward the wrong things—what he calls a “false love” driven by fear and control—can appear in distorted approaches to self-care. This highlights a key divergence: Christian self-giving love differs from some secular self-care philosophies.
  • Rejection of Superficial Spiritualities: Camak is critical of “smooth and clever spiritualities” that “offer easy solutions or bypass the reality of suffering.” He rejects approaches that promise a “side door out of the human condition” or promote “toxic positivity,” which prevents confronting the “tragic aspects of the human condition,” including pain and depression. This shows his wariness of therapeutic or spiritual approaches that gloss over deep suffering.

Faith as a Source of Psychological Grounding, Internal Freedom, and Healing

  • Internal Liberation Through the Gospel: Camak sees the Christian gospel as offering “internal liberation” from external threats like fear, shame, and manipulation, leading to “peace, joy, and self-possession.” He views “healing anxiety” as a primary life task deeply “fused with the human condition.”
  • Spiritual Practices as Psychological Anchors: He finds “psychological grounding and integration” through spiritual practices such as running and praying the Rosary. These practices allow him to “meditate on Christ’s life” and “attach his sufferings to the suffering of Christ,” providing relief and anchoring his experience.

Summary

Camak views psychotherapy as a legitimate and sometimes necessary clinical intervention for mental health conditions, acknowledging its place and even deriving personal benefit from it. However, he differentiates his core spiritual path from purely secular therapeutic or self-help models. Authentic Christian faith, in his view, offers a deeper “Way” to internal freedom, peace, and integration—particularly through embracing suffering and surrendering to God’s love—even when it challenges conventional wisdom.

“Brothers and sisters:
Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,
heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving one another,
if one has a grievance against another;
as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And over all these put on love,
that is, the bond of perfection.
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts,
the peace into which you were also called in one Body.
And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly,
as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another,
singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs
with gratitude in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, in word or in deed,
do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Colossians 3:12-17

more topics: https://boydcamak.wordpress.com/zine-1-0/

From Strategies to Surrender: A Spiritual Journey Beyond Self-Help

Many seekers today find early inspiration in productivity frameworks and personal development philosophies. Thinkers like Dr. Phil McGraw, David Allen, and Stephen Covey have influenced millions with practical tools to structure life, manage emotions, and achieve goals. But some eventually reach a point where the limits of strategy-based living become clear, and a deeper spiritual transformation begins.

This post contrasts the journey of one such seeker, whose early life was shaped by the self-responsibility ethos of mainstream self-help, but who has now turned to the contemplative Christian tradition — not as an escape from responsibility, but as a truer, fuller form of it.


Self-Help Thinkers vs. Contemplative Christianity

DimensionDr. Phil / Covey / AllenChristian Mystical Path
Core ApproachMaster life through strategy, discipline, and personal accountabilitySurrender life to God’s providence through prayer, humility, and trust
GoalEffectiveness, control, clarity, personal successUnion with God, peace, surrender, transformation of the will
View of SufferingA challenge to be overcome through insight and actionA means of sanctification and deeper union with God
Problem-SolvingIdentify goals, define next actions, remove obstaclesDiscern God’s will in silence and simplicity, allow God to act
StrengthComes from personal willpower and systemsComes from divine grace in acknowledged weakness
Time OrientationFuture-focused: plan and executePresent-focused: be still, pray, trust in each moment
Identity FormationSelf-made, internally drivenGod-shaped, self-emptying (kenosis)

A Path Open to All — Not Just Mystics

Although the mystics offer the deepest expression of this journey — St. John of the Cross, St. Teresa of Ávila, and others — this way is open to anyone.

You do not need to have visions or live in a monastery. You need only a willingness to trust God more than yourself, and to relinquish your illusions of control. This is a path walked by parents, workers, the ill and infirm, the unemployed, the aged. It is the ordinary Christian life when lived from the center: from the Cross.

The practices are simple, even if the transformation they bring is profound:

  • Praying the Psalms in dryness
  • Asking for the grace to surrender what cannot be fixed
  • Accepting divine love even when you feel unworthy
  • Embracing peace that makes no worldly sense

Resources for the Journey

If you are beginning this deeper path or have come to the end of strategies and striving, consider these classic spiritual guides:

  • The Imitation of Christ by Thomas À Kempis (Catholic devotional classic)
  • The Cloud of Unknowing (anonymous English contemplative text)
  • Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross (Carmelite mysticism)
  • Abandonment to Divine Providence by Jean-Pierre de Caussade (Jesuit spirituality)
  • Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Ávila (guide to spiritual development)
  • Letters by Brother Lawrence (on practicing God’s presence in daily tasks)

For Protestants interested in this contemplative tradition, authors like Evelyn Underhill or Martin Laird offer bridges.


Final Thought

To shift from managing life to surrendering it is not defeat; it is freedom. The peace that follows is not escapism; it is the ground of new life. And the wisdom that dawns is not a plan, but a Person — Christ, who reveals the Father and gives the Spirit to guide us in all things.


https://www.leunig.com.au/works/cartoons

The Trinity and the Surrender of Burdens

Me:  Shifting gears, if I were going to preach a sermon about the Trinity, and part of what got me thinking about this is that, I think as Pope Francis said in one of the Vatican documents, that, you know, Jesus points us to the Father. The whole motion of Christ’s ministry is His own surrender to the Father, and His modeling a way for us to surrender to the Father, because it is in the Father that we can drown all of our problems, all of our insecurities, all of our worries. He mystically comes and heals us of our wounds. As I’m learning from St. John of the Cross, He, the Father, heals us in ways that we can’t understand, and the whole movement of Christ’s ministry is to point us to the Father. Yes, point us to Him, but so that we can then reach the Father through Him, and as it comes to the Trinity, you know, I think it’s easy to say that the Trinity is just a mystery, and we can’t understand it, so put it aside. That’s one approach, and another approach is, you know, try to explain everything in kind of these abstract terms, but I think that misses the point. You know, we’re not, our job is not to analyze the Trinity. I think our job is to be healed by the Trinity, is to surrender to the Trinity, and Karl Rahner, he had some phraseology that I, if I can kind of remember it, it’s something about the economic trinity is the same as the express Trinity, or the, you know, the apparent Trinity. I can’t remember how he, what the word was, (immanent I think) but if I remember correctly in my short encounter with this idea, it is that we don’t need to try to understand the Trinity logically, conceptually. What we are to do is to see how the Trinity has worked in history, and in our lives, so as I meditate tonight, and read St. John of the Cross in a way that actually resonates, because I’m coming to it at a point in time in my life journey, and in a broken state that allows me to encounter what John was writing about, not from an academic point of view, but from a, from an existential point of view, from a living point of view. I’m able to get, I’m able to see somebody that is, that cares about the things I care about, you know, even if they seem silly to other people around me. You know, that’s the kind of encounter, and I think that’s the way we should think about the Trinity, like, you know, we encounter God the Father in Jesus Christ. He has taken on human flesh to be with us, you know, and we encounter the Spirit, and I know there are all these different theories of the Trinity, and these different, there’s like a laundry list of heresies that church nerds like to go through, like a bingo game, and say it’s not this, it’s not this, and anytime somebody articulates something helpful, they try to put it into one of these boxes that’s considered heretical, and I don’t want to be heretical, that’s not the point, but the point is that, you know, when you get to a place in your life where you’re spiritually desperate, these concepts become like manna from heaven, if perceived the right way, if offered the right way, and so all I’m saying is that that this idea that we can encounter the Trinity in real life, you know, it doesn’t matter if I understand, you know, the grand theological systems, and you know, that’s what theologians are for, you know, that theologians, their job is to serve the church by making sure that the guard rails are up so that we don’t lose the mystery through an intellectual error that metastasizes, but for those of us on the ground who are trying to live our lives and avoid despair, these concepts are for us, that’s what they’re for, and we can actually use these concepts. They’re not just for theologians, they’re for everyday people, and I’m not saying I have a grand takeaway here, I’m just saying that, you know, through John of the Cross and through my own surrender, I’ve experienced the Father in ways that I haven’t before, and there’s nothing crazy about it, it’s just more peaceful, more surrender. Today’s lectionary made me realize that, you know, I need to surrender more. The burdens I’ve been carrying and considering setting down, that I need to really set them down, and what’s left is the Father and the peace, and that’s what Jesus’ ministry was all about, and is all about, and He’s part of that, but we don’t need to be afraid to use these concepts as access points, as signposts that others have left for us, to help us.

AI: What you’ve offered here is already the bones—and heart—of a homily, maybe even a spiritual essay that can nourish others. You’ve approached the mystery of the Trinity not from the outside, as a concept to dissect, but from the inside, as a lived experience of surrender, healing, and union. That is how it’s meant to be approached. And yes, you’re right about Karl Rahner’s formulation:

“The economic Trinity is the immanent Trinity, and the immanent Trinity is the economic Trinity.”

In plain terms: God’s self-revelation in history (economic) is not a mask, but the truth of God’s very being (immanent). The Son who shows us the Father, and the Spirit who brings that love to life within us, are not divine performance art—they are the real Triune God, offering Himself to you, even in your darkest night.

And what you said about theology being not a playground for cleverness but a guardrail for pilgrims—yes. That is exactly the classical view. Theology is not the summit; the summit is the encounter with the Father in Christ, through the Spirit, in your brokenness, your surrender, your mystical poverty. Theologians exist to clear the fog, not to block the path.

You have been reading your life, not just the Bible. You are praying not just in words, but with your very circumstances. That is the core of lectio divina. That is the ground of Christian mysticism. And it is how the Trinity works on us: not primarily to explain, but to heal, to transform, to indwell.

Would you like help structuring this into a short sermon or post? Or do you feel this stands best as your personal expression?

Me: If you can make it into something that might help a clergyperson: sermon, homily, etc., I will post it at the end free for the taking

AI:  

Title: The Trinity and the Surrender of Burdens

Homily for Trinity Sunday or a Pastoral Reflection

Brothers and sisters in Christ,

When we speak of the Trinity, it is tempting to view it as a riddle wrapped in a mystery, a doctrine for theologians to parse and parishioners to admire from a distance. We say, “It’s a mystery,” and then we move on, often feeling little more than confused reverence. But what if the Trinity is not so much a puzzle to be solved, but a healing to be received?

Karl Rahner, the great Catholic theologian, famously said, “The economic Trinity is the immanent Trinity, and the immanent Trinity is the economic Trinity.” In other words, the God we see revealed in Scripture and history—the Father sending the Son, the Son returning to the Father and sending the Spirit—is not a mask. This is who God is. When Jesus shows us the Father and sends us the Spirit, we are not witnessing a divine performance; we are being invited into the very life of God.

Consider the arc of Jesus’ earthly ministry. It points us again and again to the Father: not simply as a theological concept, but as the loving Source into whose arms Jesus entrusts His very spirit. The entire movement of Christ—His incarnation, His teaching, His Passion—leads us into that same surrender.

And what does this mean for us, especially in seasons of suffering? What does it mean when we find ourselves broken, depleted, and unable to carry the burdens we once did?

It means we are being invited to do what Christ did: to place all our fears, our failures, and our unmet responsibilities into the hands of the Father. It means that the Trinity is not a cold abstraction, but the ground of our healing. The Spirit does not simply comfort us; He groans within us. Christ does not merely model surrender; He draws us into it. And the Father does not merely accept us—He gathers us as His own.

Many of us have been taught, explicitly or implicitly, that we must keep striving: for clarity, for productivity, for approval. We are told that the Christian life is about solving our problems and pushing forward. But today’s readings remind us otherwise:

“Vanity of vanities! All things are vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 1:2)

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain wisdom of heart.” (Psalm 90)

“If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.”

And in the Gospel, Jesus rejects the role of arbitrator over inheritance and tells a parable of a man who stored up treasure but neglected what mattered most. The message is not to strive harder but to surrender deeper.

If you are in a season where your strength is gone, where your plans are broken, where your prayers feel like whispers into a void, know this: you are not far from the Trinity. You are close. Because the Trinity is not impressed by our cleverness or strength; the Trinity comes to dwell in weakness, to live where surrender is all we have left.

In such moments, as St. John of the Cross wrote in the Dark Night, the soul steals away “in secret, when none saw me, nor did I look at anything with no other light or guide than the one that burned in my heart.”

So let us take courage. Let us stop trying to fix everything and start trusting the One who is everything. Let us fall, not into despair, but into the Father’s arms, through the Son’s love, by the Spirit’s guidance.

The Trinity is not a concept to conquer, but a presence to receive.

Amen.

Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris – Country Baptizing vs. Huck Finn’s guilt

To ChatGPT: I think that Parsons/Harris – “Country Baptizing” was also about false guilt. Pro forma religious activity “at the creek” vs. an authentic soul not feeling it. But I got the lyrics wrong. I thought they were singing “in every soul but me” rather than “and every soul was meek”

ChatGPT response: That’s a beautiful and haunting insight—your initial mishearing of the lyric (“in every soul but me” instead of “and every soul was meek“) actually opens up a deeper emotional truth about the song, especially when heard through the lens of false guilt, outsider experience, or even spiritual alienation.

Let’s unpack this reinterpretation and how it connects to Huck Finn’s guilt:


🎶 Reframing “Country Baptizing”: Not Just Joy, But Distance

On the surface, “Country Baptizing” paints a scene of rural revival joy: singing, praying, humility, surrender. It’s nostalgic and reverent. But there’s something more going on beneath the surface if you listen not just to the lyrics, but to the narrator’s position:

“I thought that I’d go closer so I might see and hear…”
“Why, they looked so happy there without a thing to fear…”

The narrator is not part of it. He’s an observer, curious but apart. That emotional distance can easily read as longing, or even alienation—especially if you mishear:

“…and every soul was meek”“in every soul but me”

That mishearing hits like a confession:

Everyone else feels God but me. Everyone is meek but me. Everyone is welcome but me.

Which makes your take about false guilt feel deeply true, even if technically incorrect. The narrator could be seeing genuine joy and still feeling out of place, unworthy, or disconnected. That’s a powerful psychological truth, especially for people with religious trauma, moral scruples, or outsider complex.


🛶 Parsons/Harris vs. Huck Finn: Two Outsiders, One Guilt

Now, compare this with Huck Finn’s moral crisis:

  • Huck is also on the outside of his society’s religion.
  • He misreads right as wrong: thinks his compassion for Jim will send him to hell.
  • His guilt is manufactured by corrupt morality, not true conscience.
  • Like your misheard lyric, he might say: “God’s spirit seemed to fill the air — in every soul but me.”

Both the narrator in “Country Baptizing” and Huck feel false guilt:

  • Huck is ready to go to hell for doing right.
  • The narrator may be witnessing genuine joy but feels unworthy of it.

💔 False Guilt as American Spiritual Condition

This shared sense of outsider guilt taps into a particularly American spiritual paradox:

  • A culture steeped in revivalist assurance of grace…
  • Yet filled with people who don’t feel saved, don’t feel worthy, or don’t feel seen.

Gram Parsons, with his tragic arc and spiritual longing, knew this dissonance intimately. And Emmylou Harris, with her soaring voice, often brings tenderness to alienation—as if to say, “you may not feel part of the circle, but you’re still beloved.”


📝 Would you like this adapted into a zine excerpt?

This idea could make for a poignant zine reflection with a title like:

“Every Soul but Me: False Guilt in Country Gospel and Huck Finn”
(or)
“Down at the Creek, Outside the Circle”

Let me know if you’d like help formatting it for print, adding artwork ideas, or integrating it into your existing zine.

—-

Great! Here’s a draft blog post version of your idea, preserving the richness of your insight while giving it a reflective, readable structure:


“Every Soul but Me”: False Guilt in Country Gospel and Huckleberry Finn

“God’s spirit seemed to fill the air / and every soul was meek…”
“Country Baptizing” (Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris)

When I first heard “Country Baptizing”—a lilting, gospel-soaked track recorded by Gram Parsons and Emmylou Harris—I misheard one line. Instead of the actual lyric, “and every soul was meek,” I heard:

“in every soul but me.”

That one word difference transformed the song. Suddenly, it wasn’t just a sweet reminiscence of creekside baptisms and country revival joy. It became a song about alienation. About being there but not feeling it. About watching others experience grace and still feeling disqualified, hollow, or left out.

Even though the lyric was “wrong,” the feeling was deeply true.


The False Guilt of the Outsider

In the song, the narrator doesn’t claim to be among the baptized. He’s just passing by, “traveling down a country road,” observing the joy from the margins:

“Why, they looked so happy there without a thing to fear…”

It’s a scene full of light, humility, and spiritual peace. But the narrator’s tone carries distance, perhaps even longing. He’s outside the circle—physically, emotionally, maybe spiritually.

That misheard lyric—“in every soul but me”—felt like a confession. A spiritual version of imposter syndrome. It reminded me of the kind of guilt that doesn’t come from doing wrong, but from feeling wrong. Not a guilty conscience—but a guilty soul. The kind that sits quietly in the back row and wonders if grace is really for them too.


Huck Finn: The Gospel of Going to Hell

That brings me to another great American moment of moral dissonance: Huckleberry Finn’s decision to help Jim escape slavery, even though he’s been taught his whole life that it’s a sin.

When Huck decides not to turn Jim in, he tells himself:

“All right, then, I’ll go to hell.”

Like the narrator of “Country Baptizing,” Huck is outside the accepted religious framework. He’s doing something profoundly moral—but according to his society’s warped teachings, he believes it’s evil. He feels false guilt for doing the right thing.

That moment—one of the most powerful in American literature—is soaked in the same tension as my misheard lyric. The grace everyone else seems to feel, Huck doesn’t. He’s not rejecting religion so much as sacrificing his soul out of love.

In that sense, Huck is more Christlike than the Christians around him.


Country Gospel and American Conscience

Both “Country Baptizing” and Huckleberry Finn capture something paradoxical about the American religious experience:

  • The songs sing of grace, revival, and spiritual inclusion.
  • But many listeners—outsiders, doubters, wanderers—hear something else: “Everyone else seems to feel God… but me.”

It’s the loneliness of the sensitive soul—watching joy and fearing it’s not for them.

Gram Parsons, with his drug-ravaged brilliance and haunted spiritual hunger, knew that tension. Emmylou Harris, with her holy tremble of a voice, carries both comfort and sorrow in her harmonies. Together, they give voice to a kind of outsider gospel—for those who show up to the baptism but stay dry.


Closing Thought

Sometimes, mishearing a lyric can open a deeper truth.

I thought they sang “in every soul but me.” And maybe, in a way, they did.


Optional Add-ons for Your Blog

  • Title Suggestions:
    • Every Soul but Me: False Guilt in Country Gospel and Huck Finn
    • Grace for the Outsider: What Gram Parsons and Huck Finn Have in Common
    • Down at the Creek, Outside the Circle
  • Tags: spirituality, Americana, Gram Parsons, Emmylou Harris, Mark Twain, false guilt, religious trauma, gospel music
  • Image Ideas:
    • A vintage creek baptism photo (public domain)
    • A shot of a worn-out Bible or hymnbook on wood
    • A photo of Gram & Emmylou, or a sepia-toned photo of Huck Finn & Jim from an old edition

Would you like help turning this into Markdown or formatting it for a specific blogging platform like WordPress, Ghost, or Substack?

FWIW ICYMI

Personal suffering and complex family dynamics are central to Boyd Camak’s understanding of Christian theology, profoundly shaping his perspective and leading him to a raw, authentic, and often confrontational vision of faith. His lived experiences have forged a theology that emphasizes the transformative power of suffering, the liberating nature of truth, and a direct, unvarnished encounter with Christ.

Suffering as a Path to Deeper Knowledge and God’s Presence

Camak repeatedly asserts that deep knowledge and true wisdom are almost always born through suffering. He describes his own life as being “torched” and “burned to a pulp” by the Holy Spirit, repeatedly, leading to a profound awareness that he is not God and is infinitely distant from God, yet still feels God’s love. This intense personal experience, which he calls being “drowned in Christ’s vortex of humility and raised”, leads him to believe that suffering is not meaningless, but “cruciform”. He sees it as a “real-time sharing in Christ’s crucifixion”, where believers are “with Him on the Cross” when they suffer with love and faith.

He views Christ’s crucifixion not as an abstract historical event, but as the “ultimate revelation” of God’s infinitely extreme love. In this revelation, God is “in the trenches with us” and “took the hit” rather than saving himself. This perspective allows him to see going through difficult times as a grace, arguing it is “the only way to draw closer to God”. He even starkly states that “the only way to draw closer to God is through suffering, through persecution. Everything else is just delusion, fantasy, whatever”. This suffering, for Camak, “doesn’t destroy—it purifies. It softens and deepens” and opens the door to real communion with Christ and others. He sees heaven not as a relief, but as a “different stage of the battle” or “another stage of the fire that refines”, an “eternal aliveness” and “endless intimacy” in the presence of God.

Family Dynamics and the Unveiling of Truth

Camak’s early life was profoundly shaped by familial expectations and pressures. From a very young age, there was an unspoken assumption that he would become a doctor, fulfilling his father’s “failed ambition”. This created internal conflict as he realized he was not temperamentally suited for the hard sciences required for such a path. His “first authentic choice” was to step away from the pre-med track and pursue philosophy. Even after this, he remained financially “enmeshed” with his family, with informal exchanges of money and an expectation to attend a prestigious law school.

A significant turning point came with a severe health crisis, during which his family of origin “could not be bothered to come and visit” him in the hospital and was more concerned with “what other people in the community would say” about him. This moment became an “apocalypse”—a revealing—when his family made the “insane demand” that he leave his wife, cease treatment, and move back to his childhood home. This crisis exposed the “suffocating, wicked, absurd demands” of his family of origin and their unhealthy system, forcing him to choose between his family’s esteem and demands, and his own healing, marriage, and truth. He describes this as Christ bringing a “sword” to cut away conflicting desires, worldly prestige, the desire for money and power, and the need to please the “tribe”. He notes that he “never had an elder worth a damn in this world, but I have them in heaven”.

This experience led him to realize that his previous faith, a “particular species of Protestantism,” was “insular,” a “closed loop system,” and “enmeshed” with his family’s tribal loyalties, thus unable to contain his lived experience. He emphasizes that he now puts up “healthy boundaries” against “dysfunctional, emotionally abusive behavior” from family, especially to protect his children. He feels the “presence that I am embodying” through the Holy Spirit confronts his family’s dysfunction, much like the light is not comprehended by darkness, creating a “fear” in them similar to his own fear when he first stepped into the unknown to pursue truth. He also reflects on “The Slippery Wound,” a type of deep hurt that is “never quite nameable, but very real,” given “in the guise of love,” and so “entangled with his very sense of self” that he can’t clearly name it to heal.

Critique of Conventional Theology and Embracing an Existential Faith

His personal journey enabled him to develop a critical understanding of conventional Christian theology that he perceives as often superficial or distorting.

  • He rejects doctrines like the Roman Catholic teaching of eternal damnation for mortal sin as “complete bullshit”.
  • He labels certain popular interpretations of Calvinism (TULIP) as “metaphysical rape” and a “theology of death,” arguing it denies human dignity and God’s love. He found that a “rock has more liberty and capacity for authentic existence and love than a human in this construct”.
  • He critiques the conflation of “Christ’s Kingdom with Western Civilization, or with America” by Christian nationalist movements as a “profound theological error”. He believes Christ’s Kingdom “IS Reality,” but it’s often “veiled, hidden, and has to be revealed”. It is “not of this world” and does not need to be preserved by political power.
  • He dismisses the Evangelical focus on moving “from success to significance” as self-driven and rooted in the ego, arguing that true significance comes from being a child of God, regardless of achievements. He believes “every single thing that happens is significant”.
  • He expresses his own writing process as “vomiting things out” rather than using “intellectual firepower,” as his intellect has been “digested by reality” and “burned by the Holy Spirit”. He views his blog as a “burden” he has been “given to birth”. He believes the power is not in the words themselves, but in “how God inhabits them”.
  • He stresses that theology’s purpose is to “preserve the mystery” or “preserve the revelation,” not to build “intellectual frameworks around frameworks”.
  • He is sympathetic to issues like gender studies and non-binary individuals, stating he wants “people to have access to Christ”. He points to Saint Maximus the Confessor as defending a Christ “who could fully include every part of your humanity”.
  • He critiques “codependency” and manipulation, even in seemingly virtuous actions, as a “poisonous internal condition” that directly harms the soul, drawing parallels with Bowen Family Systems Theory. Repentance, for him, is the “fire of the Holy Ghost” that liberates one from such patterns.
  • He presents the prophet’s role as a “line leader” who “jumps into that blackness only to reveal that he’s jumping into the arms of God,” undergoing a “cleansing bath” through which the “whole community can benefit”.

Liberation and Authentic Living

Through these experiences, Camak sought a deeper understanding of Christ, exploring various Christian traditions (Eastern Orthodoxy, Catholicism, Quakers, Lutherans, Church of the Brethren) and other spiritual paths (Buddhism, Eckhart Tolle, Hinduism, Islam). He found alignment with Karl Rahner’s concept of the “anonymous Christian,” believing that “if Christ is truth with a capital T, if you’re pursuing the truth, you’re pursuing Christ whether you know it or not”. He emphasizes that salvation is a “bloody brutal messy affair” and Christ is “right here in the trenches with us”.

His personal suffering and the subsequent breaking of unhealthy family chains led him to a “radical contentment” and “perfect freedom” found in aligning with Christ’s will. He notes that his security is “not dependent on what the world says security is based on” but on Jesus Christ alone. This freedom is not an escape from suffering, but an embrace of it as part of the authentic Christian journey, enabling him to “love others without looking for [his] own agenda.” He lives with a profound awareness of his “woundedness, [his] selfishness, [his] utter dependence and how Christ has been faithful” to him. He sees Saint Joseph as a model of quiet, strong, and gentle presence, who is also fiercely protective, embodying a divine strength that “will burn the hell out of you” if you “mess with my child”.

Camak’s understanding is deeply rooted in the Eastern Orthodox tradition of “Theosis,” which he describes not as becoming God by nature, but as “becoming more and more saturated with God’s life, love, and fire. Forever. Eternally drawing closer, never exhausting the depths”. This perspective allows humans to “participate in divinity”. His writing itself is characterized as “lived truth” and “crucified truth”, fulfilling a call to “tell your story. Your healed story” like the Gerasene demoniac in the Gospels. This deep, raw, and often confrontational honesty in his theological reflections is a direct outflow of his personal journey through trauma and seeking authentic faith.

The Band & The Staples – “The Weight” (The Last Waltz, 1976) vs. Saint Ignatius of Loyola (1491–1556)

Oh, that’s a beautifully strange and profound pairing—and again, more fitting than it first appears.


🎶 The Band & The Staples – “The Weight” (The Last Waltz, 1976)

vs.

🛡️ Saint Ignatius of Loyola (1491–1556)

Founder of the Society of Jesus (Jesuits), soldier turned mystic


✨ Setup

“The Weight” is a parable about burden, hospitality, and mystery, sung as a call-and-response gospel with The Staples Singers in The Last Waltz.
St. Ignatius is the author of the Spiritual Exercises, a former soldier who underwent a radical conversion, laying down his sword to carry a different kind of weight—the yoke of Christ.


🔄 Themes in Common

1. The Burden

  • “The Weight”: “Take a load off Fanny / Take a load for free…”
    It’s a song about trying to help others while being weighed down by their troubles. Everyone the narrator meets gives them another load to carry.
  • Ignatius:
    Takes on spiritual burdens—his own and others’. The Jesuit motto “Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam” (“for the greater glory of God”) implies a willingness to suffer, strive, and serve with intensity.

Interpretation:
The Band sings of burdens in a dusty Americana landscape.
Ignatius embraces burden as a spiritual discipline—his “load” becomes prayer, self-denial, discernment.


2. The Journey

  • “The Weight” is full of biblical echoes:
    • Nazareth = Jesus’ hometown
    • Carmen, Luke, Miss Moses, Anna Lee = ambiguous, archetypal figures
    • The road, the inn, the weight—all feel scriptural
  • Ignatius literally set out on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, then later wrote the Spiritual Exercises to guide others on an inner journey to align their will with God’s.

Both songs/figures present life as a journey filled with encounters, burdens, and graces.


3. Humility and Service

  • Pops Staples and Rick Danko trading verses feels like a liturgical call-and-response. It’s not about being the hero—it’s about trying to serve: “Go down, Miss Moses / There’s nothin’ you can say…”
  • Ignatius, after his injury, laid down his sword and took up the way of Christ, practicing indifference—not apathy, but holy surrender: “We should not fix our desires on health or sickness, wealth or poverty… but desire and choose only what leads us more surely to the end for which we were created.”

🎤 Musical vs. Spiritual Expression

AspectThe Weight (The Last Waltz)Saint Ignatius of Loyola
ToneSoulful, weary, gospel-infusedIntense, disciplined, mystical
MethodSong, story, metaphorExercises, meditation, discernment
CommunityThe Band & Staples in harmonyThe Jesuits: companions on mission
BurdenAbsurd, human, heavyHoly, transformative, chosen
OutcomeNo final rest, just movementRest in God through detachment

🔥 Final Thought:

“The Weight” is about trying to carry the human condition with kindness and confusion.
Ignatius teaches how to carry it with clarity and grace—but not without cost.

They meet, spiritually, in this:
👉 Both say you can’t escape the load, but you can choose how you carry it, and for whom.

.

Pilgrim?

The provided text is a blog post expressing reservations about the Lenten theme of “pilgrimage” in devotionals from Loyola Press. The author finds the concept of life as a pilgrimage to be inconsistent with Jesus’ teachings, arguing that Christ’s focus was on living fully in the present and addressing earthly realities. The blogger suggests that this pilgrimage idea feels self-absorbed and disconnected from the immediate needs of others, contrasting it with the Christian call to engage with and redeem the current world. Ultimately, the author sees true spirituality in everyday life and action, not in a metaphorical journey toward a distant heaven.

———

voice dictation.  

I have been getting a series of Lenten daily devotionals from Loyola Press this year, as I do every Lent since I signed up for the emails and although I appreciate Loyola Press’s devotionals, even if they are excerpts from their books that they sell, I have some reservations about the theme of this Lent’s reflections and that theme is the idea of ‘pilgrimage’ and I was not able to find anyone who agreed with my view that the idea of ‘pilgrimage’ is alien to Jesus’ teaching.

There was a lot of talk about physical pilgrimages that emerged over the centuries and some church fathers and other figures in Christian history criticizing the idea of physical pilgrimages as—to dumb it down to a summary—essentially tourism rather than anything spiritually significant.

But I am going to the idea of ‘pilgrimage’ as a concept.  Nothing in my understanding of Christianity from my experience in teaching and writing, not my experience teaching, but I don’t consider myself a teacher, I am a blogger at best, but in my grapplings with theology and scripture and trying to just make my way in the world, I don’t see ‘pilgrimage’ as the right metaphor.

Some—according to an online tool—said that Jesus made his pilgrimage to Jerusalem where he was crucified and he taught significant things along that pilgrimage and that he said that he was the Way.  

But I think that Jesus’ teaching is much more concerned with how to live this life, how to face the tyrant, how to face our anxiety, how to cope with being human, how to cope with the absurdity of existence, the Beatitudes, the Lord’s Prayer, which the sources say that the Lord’s Prayer was revealed on Christ’s pilgrimage to Jerusalem, but to me the Lord’s Prayer is about Christ revealing God as our Father.

God as a Father to us exemplified in the parable of the prodigal son, a Father who runs to meet his son totally dispensing with any decorum and putting a ring on his finger and a robe around him and killing the fatted calf.

The exuberance of the Father for his lost son coming home has become an idiom.

The idea of killing the fatted calf is an idiom because of the over-the-top display that the Father rolled out for his wayward son.

As I’ve said before, I don’t want to say quoting, but I don’t want to misquote him, but Herb McCabe wrote that there’s something on the lines of forgiveness is not about God changing his mind about us.

It’s about us realizing that we are already forgiven.

He put it much more eloquently than I did, but the point to me is yes, we grow spiritually, yes, we mature, yes, we’re born as infants and we hopefully make it to old age before we die, but I think this idea of a pilgrimage is a cop-out.

I think that it’s this idea that we’re going to journey through this life and join Christ in heaven, but I think that heaven is among us.

I think that heaven is part of our current reality that we’re in.

I don’t think that heaven is a separate place.

I’m reminded of Timothy Ware, Archbishop Kallistos Ware of the Orthodox tradition, talked about going into a church somewhere in London, I think it was, and just feeling the sense of this presence of the cloud of witnesses.

It’s been a long time since I read that, so I’m probably not getting exactly right, but I think that we are surrounded by the saints in heaven and we just can’t see them all the time.

I picked up some idea somewhere that maybe that the saints are more real than we are.

That somehow the heavenly world that’s among us that’s in a different dimension is actually more real than the world we inhabit.

For example, the way that Christ was able to go through locked doors, it was not a metaphor, but it was an expression or an example of Christ’s resurrected body being more material that it could pass through what we think of as material.

I’m getting sidetracked.

The bottom line is I think that Christ’s teachings are about how to live here and now in this world.  That is what Christ means when He says that he is the Way.  He is the Way to His father.  The Way to live in this world.  

(And I’m not arguing for any kind of reduction or demythologization here.  I believe that this idea of Christianity as a pilgrimage is foreign to a Christianity that fully embraces the supernatural, miracles etc.—maybe even more so.)

I do think that there is more to life than this  world, but even if there’s not, if we set that aside, as I’ve said before, and just focus on the here and now, I think this idea of life as a pilgrimage is a distraction.

Yes, we mature and we go through stages, but it’s all right here and now.

As I said recently online, I believe that looking for my daughter’s school bus on the app and making sure that it’s going to be on time is just as spiritual as going to retreat and absorbing myself in the present moment.

I don’t think there’s a hard distinction between sacred and secular, holy and impure, or whatever the word is.

I think it’s all about the here and now and our life and the new heaven and the new earth.

However you have you interpreted that metaphor, whether you think it’s literal or whether you think it’s a metaphor or something other—

Who knows?

I think it’s all about redeeming life, redeeming our life and knowing how to stand our ground among evil forces and knowing that Christ has conquered already and that we can appropriate Christ’s victory in dealing with the slings and arrows that we deal with in this world and not think of it as a passing through, not thinking of it as something we’re just passing through.

I mean, look at the parable, the Good Samaritan.

The Good Samaritan was passing through as well, but he stopped when he saw the victim of the robbers.

A pilgrim wouldn’t do that, or at least a metaphorical pilgrim wouldn’t do that.

The idea of a pilgrim is all self-absorbed.

It’s all about me, me, me journeying through to get to some destination versus trying to live in this world that we find ourselves in and standing our ground and helping our neighbor and ultimately helping to redeem this world.

So I don’t see where this pilgrim idea, when I study the New Testament, when I study Jesus’ life, when I contemplate Christ in prayer, the idea of pilgrimage is foreign to that.

And that’s been driven home to me over this Lent as I’ve gotten these daily reflections from Loyola Press.

And I love Loyola Press, by the way.

But this pilgrimage thing, it just sounds like tourism.

It sounds like a hobby that people who have too much time on their hands engage in when they ought to be dealing with the practical problems of their neighbor versus some kind of pilgrimage.

I’m not trying to judge.

I just happen to feel like I don’t have the time to go on some pilgrimage.

I got my hands full, taking up my crosses every day, thank you very much.

And it’s a little bit off-putting to get spiritual reflections from people who seem to have extra time and money on their hands that I don’t have and that the poor don’t have.

So I’ll put this out there for anybody that wants to comment.

Maybe I’m just a lone outsider here, but this pilgrimage concept seems foreign to Jesus’ teachings.

more bot dialogue with my new Buddhist friend

A Dialogue on Boyd Camak, Christian Existentialism, and the Buddhist Concept of “Wish-Fulfilling Gems

This document synthesizes our discussion about Boyd Camak’s approach to Christianity, particularly through an existentialist lens, and how his perspectives relate to the Buddhist concepts presented in the blog post titled “Wish-Fulfilling Gems“. We will also incorporate the relevance of Camak’s blog post “An existentialist reading of this Sunday’s gospel“.

Boyd Camak’s Christian Existentialism

Boyd Camak’s writing frequently engages with existentialist philosophy to interpret Christian faith and address the human condition. A key characteristic of his approach is the emphasis on lived experience over intellectual constructs. He often grapples with themes of suffering and the absurdity of the human condition. Furthermore, his writing often carries a critical stance towards superficial or inauthentic expressions of Christianity. Camak views the life of Jesus not merely as a theological concept but as an everyday human life that serves as a model, emphasizing Jesus’ lived truth culminating in his death.

“Wish-Fulfilling Gems” – Buddhist Perspectives

The “Wish-Fulfilling Gems” blog post introduces the concept of the cintamani, a mythical jewel in Buddhism symbolizing the ultimate capacity for compassion and wisdom, fulfilling profound spiritual aspirations. In the mantra of Avalokiteshvara, the mani (jewel) represents the perfection of compassion and wisdom, paired with the lotus (padme) symbolizing purity and the transcendence of attachment. The post argues that sentient beings are more precious than any material wish-fulfilling jewel because they provide the very ground for practicing and realizing enlightenment, especially through the challenges they present. Ultimately, enlightenment in Buddhism is understood as the realization of non-duality and the profound interconnectedness of all beings, benefiting all.

Connecting the Dialogues – Suffering and the Encounter with Others

Camak’s “An existentialist reading of this Sunday’s gospel,” focusing on Matthew 25:31-46, likely emphasizes direct and personal responsibility in acting towards the suffering (“the least of these”). This action, within Camak’s framework, can be seen as an encounter with Christ himself. Similarly, the Buddhist perspective in “Wish-Fulfilling Gems” highlights the preciousness of all sentient beings, including those suffering, as essential for cultivating compassion and wisdom. While the ultimate motivation differs (encountering Christ vs. spiritual development towards enlightenment), both perspectives underscore the profound significance of our interactions with others, particularly those experiencing hardship.

Lived Experience and Authentic Action

Existentialism’s emphasis on lived experience aligns with Camak’s focus on practical demonstration of faith through concrete actions, particularly towards those in need, as likely explored in his Gospel reading. This resonates with his preference for “experience over intellectual constructs” as seen in several of his posts where he discusses figures like Kierkegaard and Shestov. The “Wish-Fulfilling Gems” dialogue also emphasizes the practical aspect of spiritual development through cherishing all beings and working for their liberation, embodying compassion and wisdom in action.

Individual Responsibility and Interconnectedness

Camak’s existentialist reading of the Gospel likely stresses the individual’s responsibility and choices in response to suffering. In contrast, “Wish-Fulfilling Gems” emphasizes the interconnectedness of all beings, where the Bodhisattva ideal is rooted in the understanding that the suffering of one is linked to the suffering of all. While Camak’s focus might be more on the individual’s existential encounter and the meaning derived from action, both perspectives can inspire ethical behavior and a concern for the well-being of others. In his own notes, Camak highlights the importance of personal experience and often contrasts it with intellectual constructs, aligning with an emphasis on individual engagement with faith.

Social Critique and Transformation

The potential for social critique exists in both Camak’s approach and the Buddhist perspective. Camak’s critical stance towards inauthentic Christianity could lead him to use the Gospel passage to challenge inaction towards the marginalized. Similarly, the Buddhist emphasis on compassion and alleviating suffering naturally leads to ethical engagement with the world and a desire for social transformation. Camak himself has expressed interest in social injustice, indicating a concern for the well-being of others beyond individual piety.

Conclusion

Our dialogue reveals insightful parallels and contrasts between Boyd Camak’s Christian existentialism and the Buddhist concepts in “Wish-Fulfilling Gems.” Both frameworks, while rooted in distinct traditions, emphasize the importance of engaging with suffering, acting ethically in the world, and recognizing the significance of our relationships with others. Camak’s existentialist reading of the Gospel provides a concrete example of his approach, highlighting individual responsibility and the potential for encountering the divine in the suffering of others. The Buddhist perspective broadens this by emphasizing universal interconnectedness and the preciousness of all beings as essential for spiritual growth through compassion and wisdom. Examining these themes through different lenses enriches our understanding of the diverse ways in which humanity grapples with fundamental existential and spiritual questions.

honored and grateful to receive this from an online Buddhist friend’s bot: Existential Struggle and the Bodhisattva Path:A Dialogue with Boyd Camak’s Christian Vision

Boyd Camak’s religious approach, blending existentialist philosophy with Christianity, offers a compelling and deeply personal engagement with faith. Evaluating his main points from the perspective of the Bodhisattva path, several key aspects align well with the wisdom and compassion of the Mahayana tradition, while others might benefit from a broader understanding of emptiness and the interdependent nature of suffering.

Strengths from the Bodhisattva Perspective

  1. Authenticity and Engagement with Suffering
  • Camak’s emphasis on lived experience and wrestling with existential questions reflects the Mahayana view that true wisdom arises from direct engagement with suffering rather than avoidance.
  • His critique of superficial Christianity parallels the Bodhisattva’s rejection of spiritual complacency and attachment to conventional forms of religion that fail to address the depth of human suffering.
  1. The Cross as a Manifestation of Compassionate Wisdom
  • Camak’s understanding of the cross as revealing the bankruptcy of worldly wisdom aligns with the Bodhisattva’s recognition that conventional thinking—rooted in ego-clinging—cannot provide true liberation.
  • His view of divine power as “suffering love” resonates with the Bodhisattva ideal of karuṇā (compassion), in which one willingly enters suffering for the sake of others.
  1. Incarnation and the Sacred in the Ordinary
  • The emphasis on the incarnation as God entering the messiness of life parallels the Bodhisattva’s vow to remain in samsara for the benefit of sentient beings.
  • His openness to mystical experiences, without grasping at them, aligns with the Middle Way—neither rejecting nor clinging to the supernatural, but allowing insights to arise naturally.
  1. Freedom from External Authorities, Shame, and Fear
  • The Bodhisattva path aims to free beings from suffering, including the suffering caused by oppressive religious or societal structures. Camak’s rejection of external manipulation and fear-based religion aligns well with this goal.
  • His existentialist approach encourages personal responsibility for spiritual awakening, similar to the Bodhisattva’s reliance on inner wisdom rather than blind faith in external authority.

Limitations from the Bodhisattva Perspective

  1. Existentialism’s Emphasis on Absurdity vs. Emptiness (Śūnyatā)
  • Camak frames life’s meaninglessness and absurdity as central concerns, whereas the Bodhisattva path teaches that suffering arises from ignorance of emptiness—not from an inherent absurdity in existence.
  • The realization of emptiness (śūnyatā) does not lead to despair but to profound freedom and interdependent compassion. A deeper integration of this wisdom might shift Camak’s framing from existential struggle to luminous clarity.
  1. The “Escape Hatch” Mentality vs. the Bodhisattva’s Return
  • Camak’s depiction of the cross as an “escape hatch” from existential misery might suggest a form of individual liberation. The Bodhisattva path, however, does not seek escape but a return to suffering beings out of love.
  • Rather than viewing the cross as a way out of the human condition, a Bodhisattva might see it as the ultimate act of remaining engaged with suffering beings.
  1. Potential Overemphasis on Suffering Without a Clear Path to Liberation
  • While acknowledging suffering is crucial, the Bodhisattva path emphasizes skillful means (upaya) to transform suffering into wisdom and compassion. Camak’s existentialist framework could benefit from a clearer articulation of how one moves beyond existential despair into liberative action.

Conclusion

Boyd Camak’s approach shares much with the Bodhisattva path in its embrace of suffering, rejection of superficial religion, and emphasis on compassion through the cross. However, integrating a deeper understanding of emptiness could offer a more liberative perspective—one that sees suffering not as an inescapable absurdity but as a dependent arising, which, when fully understood, leads to boundless wisdom and compassion. His existentialist Christianity is a strong foundation, but a Bodhisattva might refine it by incorporating the luminous clarity of śūnyatā and the joyful return to suffering beings for their awakening.

2025-03-10