Personal suffering and complex family dynamics are central to Boyd Camak’s understanding of Christian theology, profoundly shaping his perspective and leading him to a raw, authentic, and often confrontational vision of faith. His lived experiences have forged a theology that emphasizes the transformative power of suffering, the liberating nature of truth, and a direct, unvarnished encounter with Christ.
Suffering as a Path to Deeper Knowledge and God’s Presence
Camak repeatedly asserts that deep knowledge and true wisdom are almost always born through suffering. He describes his own life as being “torched” and “burned to a pulp” by the Holy Spirit, repeatedly, leading to a profound awareness that he is not God and is infinitely distant from God, yet still feels God’s love. This intense personal experience, which he calls being “drowned in Christ’s vortex of humility and raised”, leads him to believe that suffering is not meaningless, but “cruciform”. He sees it as a “real-time sharing in Christ’s crucifixion”, where believers are “with Him on the Cross” when they suffer with love and faith.
He views Christ’s crucifixion not as an abstract historical event, but as the “ultimate revelation” of God’s infinitely extreme love. In this revelation, God is “in the trenches with us” and “took the hit” rather than saving himself. This perspective allows him to see going through difficult times as a grace, arguing it is “the only way to draw closer to God”. He even starkly states that “the only way to draw closer to God is through suffering, through persecution. Everything else is just delusion, fantasy, whatever”. This suffering, for Camak, “doesn’t destroy—it purifies. It softens and deepens” and opens the door to real communion with Christ and others. He sees heaven not as a relief, but as a “different stage of the battle” or “another stage of the fire that refines”, an “eternal aliveness” and “endless intimacy” in the presence of God.
Family Dynamics and the Unveiling of Truth
Camak’s early life was profoundly shaped by familial expectations and pressures. From a very young age, there was an unspoken assumption that he would become a doctor, fulfilling his father’s “failed ambition”. This created internal conflict as he realized he was not temperamentally suited for the hard sciences required for such a path. His “first authentic choice” was to step away from the pre-med track and pursue philosophy. Even after this, he remained financially “enmeshed” with his family, with informal exchanges of money and an expectation to attend a prestigious law school.
A significant turning point came with a severe health crisis, during which his family of origin “could not be bothered to come and visit” him in the hospital and was more concerned with “what other people in the community would say” about him. This moment became an “apocalypse”—a revealing—when his family made the “insane demand” that he leave his wife, cease treatment, and move back to his childhood home. This crisis exposed the “suffocating, wicked, absurd demands” of his family of origin and their unhealthy system, forcing him to choose between his family’s esteem and demands, and his own healing, marriage, and truth. He describes this as Christ bringing a “sword” to cut away conflicting desires, worldly prestige, the desire for money and power, and the need to please the “tribe”. He notes that he “never had an elder worth a damn in this world, but I have them in heaven”.
This experience led him to realize that his previous faith, a “particular species of Protestantism,” was “insular,” a “closed loop system,” and “enmeshed” with his family’s tribal loyalties, thus unable to contain his lived experience. He emphasizes that he now puts up “healthy boundaries” against “dysfunctional, emotionally abusive behavior” from family, especially to protect his children. He feels the “presence that I am embodying” through the Holy Spirit confronts his family’s dysfunction, much like the light is not comprehended by darkness, creating a “fear” in them similar to his own fear when he first stepped into the unknown to pursue truth. He also reflects on “The Slippery Wound,” a type of deep hurt that is “never quite nameable, but very real,” given “in the guise of love,” and so “entangled with his very sense of self” that he can’t clearly name it to heal.
Critique of Conventional Theology and Embracing an Existential Faith
His personal journey enabled him to develop a critical understanding of conventional Christian theology that he perceives as often superficial or distorting.
- He rejects doctrines like the Roman Catholic teaching of eternal damnation for mortal sin as “complete bullshit”.
- He labels certain popular interpretations of Calvinism (TULIP) as “metaphysical rape” and a “theology of death,” arguing it denies human dignity and God’s love. He found that a “rock has more liberty and capacity for authentic existence and love than a human in this construct”.
- He critiques the conflation of “Christ’s Kingdom with Western Civilization, or with America” by Christian nationalist movements as a “profound theological error”. He believes Christ’s Kingdom “IS Reality,” but it’s often “veiled, hidden, and has to be revealed”. It is “not of this world” and does not need to be preserved by political power.
- He dismisses the Evangelical focus on moving “from success to significance” as self-driven and rooted in the ego, arguing that true significance comes from being a child of God, regardless of achievements. He believes “every single thing that happens is significant”.
- He expresses his own writing process as “vomiting things out” rather than using “intellectual firepower,” as his intellect has been “digested by reality” and “burned by the Holy Spirit”. He views his blog as a “burden” he has been “given to birth”. He believes the power is not in the words themselves, but in “how God inhabits them”.
- He stresses that theology’s purpose is to “preserve the mystery” or “preserve the revelation,” not to build “intellectual frameworks around frameworks”.
- He is sympathetic to issues like gender studies and non-binary individuals, stating he wants “people to have access to Christ”. He points to Saint Maximus the Confessor as defending a Christ “who could fully include every part of your humanity”.
- He critiques “codependency” and manipulation, even in seemingly virtuous actions, as a “poisonous internal condition” that directly harms the soul, drawing parallels with Bowen Family Systems Theory. Repentance, for him, is the “fire of the Holy Ghost” that liberates one from such patterns.
- He presents the prophet’s role as a “line leader” who “jumps into that blackness only to reveal that he’s jumping into the arms of God,” undergoing a “cleansing bath” through which the “whole community can benefit”.
Liberation and Authentic Living
Through these experiences, Camak sought a deeper understanding of Christ, exploring various Christian traditions (Eastern Orthodoxy, Catholicism, Quakers, Lutherans, Church of the Brethren) and other spiritual paths (Buddhism, Eckhart Tolle, Hinduism, Islam). He found alignment with Karl Rahner’s concept of the “anonymous Christian,” believing that “if Christ is truth with a capital T, if you’re pursuing the truth, you’re pursuing Christ whether you know it or not”. He emphasizes that salvation is a “bloody brutal messy affair” and Christ is “right here in the trenches with us”.
His personal suffering and the subsequent breaking of unhealthy family chains led him to a “radical contentment” and “perfect freedom” found in aligning with Christ’s will. He notes that his security is “not dependent on what the world says security is based on” but on Jesus Christ alone. This freedom is not an escape from suffering, but an embrace of it as part of the authentic Christian journey, enabling him to “love others without looking for [his] own agenda.” He lives with a profound awareness of his “woundedness, [his] selfishness, [his] utter dependence and how Christ has been faithful” to him. He sees Saint Joseph as a model of quiet, strong, and gentle presence, who is also fiercely protective, embodying a divine strength that “will burn the hell out of you” if you “mess with my child”.
Camak’s understanding is deeply rooted in the Eastern Orthodox tradition of “Theosis,” which he describes not as becoming God by nature, but as “becoming more and more saturated with God’s life, love, and fire. Forever. Eternally drawing closer, never exhausting the depths”. This perspective allows humans to “participate in divinity”. His writing itself is characterized as “lived truth” and “crucified truth”, fulfilling a call to “tell your story. Your healed story” like the Gerasene demoniac in the Gospels. This deep, raw, and often confrontational honesty in his theological reflections is a direct outflow of his personal journey through trauma and seeking authentic faith.
Boyd Camak 